It's just like with anything else you decide to take up. Pool maintenance, for example. I had never even thought twice about the water I was swimming in when I visited a pool, but when a relative decided to get an above ground pool and delegated my husband and I as the care takers, (...) I quickly learned to appreciate the beautiful, clear water that I had swam in before. (FYI, don't ask us to care for your pool. We were a miserable failure. Also, do NOT place a pool beneath a tree. That is the worst idea. Ever.) All of a sudden pool water went from being simple to being ridiculously complex. I don't know anything about pH levels or fungus or shocking or any of that stuff. For those of you who have learned this art, I applaud you. To me it was like trying to learn greek, and I quickly threw my hands up in despair as I gazed into the murky green depths.
I find myself in much the same quandary with this whole parenting issue. Only this time, I don't have the liberty of throwing my hands up in despair and risking being badmouthed as a bad and irresponsible... relative. (We will leave the specifics of the relations out in order to protect all involved.)
Anyway, as soon as you end up pregnant, you are all of a sudden bombarded with a million decisions to make, all of which you feel unqualified to make whatsoever.
What type of prenatal care should I receive? Should I go to an OB? Should I see a midwife? Should I get a flu shot? How much testing is actually necessary during pregnancy? If this test comes up positive, does getting amniocentesis make me a bad person? Does NOT getting it make me irresponsible? Vaccines! Are they safe? Are they really worth it? What is 'attachment parenting'? Babywise? Will letting my baby cry it out sometimes damage him forever? What is actually necessary to put on my registry? (I know Babies R Us says 4 strollers, but really? 4?) Cloth diapering? No? Yes? What kind of cloth diapers won't make me want to pull my hair out and make spending $2000 on disposables seem soooo worth it? Does it make me a hippy if I want to give birth in a tub? When I go into labor AM I GOING TO POOP ON MYSELF??? Why do I want ice cream right now? If I do eat ice cream, am I going to give myself gestational diabetes? I didn't finish all of my wine at New Year's communion. Does that mean I'm not a Christian because I didn't "Drink ye all of it"? (Mt. 26:27 KJV) Does it mean I've given my baby fetal alcohol syndrom? Wait, some people don't circumcise their boys? Why not? Who ever knew there was such a thing as 'holistic circumcision'? Why do I still want ice cream?
It feels much like trying to navigate a mine field. One wrong step and BOOM!!! You may have raised the next Charles Manson or something.
On the one side I have the medical community of people who I believe do genuinely care about all of their patients. Included on this side are those who are influenced heavily by the medical community, which is... I don't know. Almost everyone. This side trusts that medical professionals are just that. Professionals. They have studied. They have practiced. They know, and should be trusted. This side is pro-vaccine, pro-epidural, (God made people smart enough to invent them so that I wouldn't have to go through this pain!) all about disposable diapering, and anything else that makes parenting a little less stressful. If breastfeeding is really not working out for you, it is okay to switch to formula, and you shouldn't feel guilty about doing this. It may be in your baby's best interests. This side says you're really asking for it if you do not get vaccinations, and get them when your pediatrician tells you to. This side judges/worries frantically about hippies, *ahem* women who are not birthing in hospitals, because what if something happens? You and your baby could both die.
On the other side we have the natural birth community, etc. Attachment theory believers, La Leche leaguers, cloth diaperers, and other earth mamas. These women also care, but have been burned before. These women are trained to ask questions, either by themselves or by someone else. They do not accept the things told to them as absolute fact, regardless of a white coat. They want to see the data and try things for themselves. These people believe that an obstetrician is not necessary for the average birth, and that birth should take place at home, in a birth center, or in some relaxing environment, unless of course there is something that makes the delivery abnormally risky. These people are anti-formula, anti-drugs (in most, but not all situations. God created women's bodies wonderfully, and they are able to give birth in most cases without the help of drugs, hormones and tools,) extremely wary of vaccines, anti-television, anti-disposable diapers, etc. Breast milk is the elixer of life! Breastfeeding is the best thing for you and baby, and formula is really not as necessary as people think it is. Do your research. Try changing your diet, etc. before racing to Babies R Us to pick up formula when your pediatrician tells you it's okay. This side says you're really asking for it if you get vaccinations without doing your research, because some vaccines are live, and your baby could catch said virus and die. This side judges/worries frantically over the average imbecile, *ahem* woman who gives birth in a hospital, because she could receive unnecessary medical intervention and have to have an emergency c-section or worse. You and your baby could both die.
Then you have the things that both of these communities are saying. ORGANIC, ORGANIC, ORGANIC!!! If you are not feeding your baby organically grown fruits and vegetables, you are an idiot. You have not done your research. You are an unfit parent, and are causing your baby harm. (No matter that most of us are feeding our children hot dogs and the occasional McDonald's.)
See what I mean? One wrong step. BOOM!!!
In my mind's eye I see myself, baby in arms, deer in the headlights, completely confused at the screaming masses around me. It's terrifying, really.
What's a mommy to do?
I find myself mucking about in the midst of all of these opinions, hesitant to jump on anyone's band wagon to condemn all of the people who are parenting any other way.
I talked to my sister about this recently, and she mentioned that she is just sick of all of the scare tactics, regardless of which side they come from. And she is right. That is how I feel.
I am so tired of being made to feel guilty if I do/do not do what one source or another deems bad/good for my child.
I am sick of posters that show children in bed with butcher knives, claiming that co-sleeping is just as dangerous.
I am sick of posters suggesting that spanking your child is equivalent to abuse.
While I want to be educated about risks/benefits etc., when it comes down to it, you don't know me, and you don't know my child. You cannot tell me that there is one way that works 100% of the time. So just. stop. ...Please.
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