As Caleb's due date creeps closer and closer, (and closer,) I find myself becoming more and more scared of the day that he makes his first appearance. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to it, and it will be a day of joy and celebration for Bubba and I, along with our friends and families, but there is also this part of me that says, "How will I ever be a parent?"
It's a funny thing. When girls are little, even 2-3 years old, they enjoy taking care of baby dolls, especially when they see their mommies taking care of babies. It cools down for a while, but somewhere around 13-14 they begin again to start noticing babies and wanting to take care of them. That instinct grows stronger and stronger as the years go by until hopefully they are married, and BOOM! Full blown baby-fever strikes.
Now, I realize that this is not how it happens for every single girl, but it is a scientifically proven fact that almost universally, women feel the desire to have a baby at some point in their lives, usually around the ages of 18-30.
I was reading about this in Glamour magazine the other day, (thank goodness my subscription expired. Stupid magazine,) and it was addressing this fact, and how it is affecting the mindset of young American women who have careers and such. When are you ready? What do you do about your career? Why does this happen? I think that they came to the conclusion that it had something to do with evolution and the desire to prosper the human race, or something along those lines.
However, this my firm belief as to why that thing snaps in a woman's brain.
Genesis 1:27-28
God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it."
Tada! There's your baby-fever right there. God put it in there, and it's been driving women crazy (no, literally crazy. As in doing crazy things in order to have children,) ever since. Even the most career minded of women have a moment where they realize that, "Holy toledo! My eggs are going bad! I need to find myself a man, and FAST!" And so movies like Tina Fey's 'Baby Mama' are born. And thank goodness, because that movie is hilarious.
What confuses me about this whole process is the fact that in the midst of all of this craving for babies, why does the thought never occur to us women, "Parenthood is the most daunting challenge ever introduced to the human race. RUN!!!" And even if it does, we just brush the thought aside and continue the painful longing for a baby at our bosom and dreaming of nursery themes and adorable baby outfits!
So one day we pee on a stick and run in to our husbands with tears and hugs and kisses and say, "I'm going to be a mommy!" and then a week or a month later we wake up in cold sweats, pulse through the roof and say, "I'M GOING TO BE A MOMMY!!!"
Okay, so the first part of that isn't exactly how it went for me, but the second part is pretty spot on. I find myself waking up with my heart pounding out of my chest quite frequently. The cause has gone from the thought, There is a baby inside of me, and eventually it will have to come out. Very unpleasantly, to recently, What will Bubba and I ever do with a teenage boy of our own? I mean, we practice on other people's children all the time. But does it make me a bad youth minister's wife to say that I'm not at all confident to raise my own kid?
Parents of our students come to us about their children with stories. "My teenager snuck out of their window last night and hasn't come home yet." "My teenager who has always done well in school is now failing out of 2 classes." "My teenager just has no respect for me and wants to live with my ex. What do I do?"
Since we were engaged, Bubba and I have been watching situations like these and saying to each other, "What if our kid goes through that? How would we handle it?" But at that point it was really more like a fun little game, akin to 'Would You Rather?' or something like that. But now I find myself looking at Bubba and going, "No, really. What are we going to do if this happens?"
The things I worry about now are things like, When is the right time to let our kid have a cell phone? What kind of plan do we get him? The internet. Can we just get rid of it? How do we handle the 'allowance' situation?I do realize that the teenage years are a ways off yet, but this is stuff that really is concerning to me.
But in the end, I know that God is faithful, and that He is really in charge of handling most stuff.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Do your thing, God!
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