Trust

Has anyone ever trusted you, and you have no idea why?

I hear it from people all the time. "In order to be trusted, you must show yourself trustworthy." I say it, too.

Girls talk to me all the time. I'm a leader in my youth group, so I hear the girls talk about a lot of things. One thing that comes up with a lot of girls is trust. Their parents don't trust them. Sometimes it's that they have an earlier curfew than other people, sometimes it's that they don't have a cell phone, sometimes it's that their parents don't want them to hang out with certain guys. They say, "Auuuugh. It drives me insane that my parents won't let me.... (fill in the blank)."

I tell them, "Well, obviously your parents don't trust you that much yet."

"Why not?"

"You have to show yourself trustworthy in order to be trusted." Sounds kind of cliche.

They hate that. They wonder why it is that their parents don't trust them, when sometimes I wonder why my parents do trust me. It's not only my parents. It's other people. People in the church, people at the store...

Some people trust me waaaay more than I think they should. What have I done to earn this trust? I can't think of anything. In fact, I can think of more reasons for people to distrust me than to trust me. This isn't just me bashing on myself, it's really the honest to goodness truth.

I don't know why, but people seem to trust me right away. Before they really know much about me. For instance, this girl I know was going through a really rough time. She was having problems in school, she was having problems at home... I didn't really know her that well. She didn't know me that well either. We didn't really hang out much together. I didn't avoid her, but I didn't go out of my way to be her friend, either.

One day I called her mom for one reason or another. I think it was to invite her to an event. Anyway, as soon as I call, her mom breaks into tears. "Anna, it's so strange that you would call right now, because we were just talking about you. My daughter has been having a really rough day at school. We were just talking about you, because we really think that it would be good if she hung out with you. She really needs a friend like you. Someone who is strong and will support her. Someone who will be there for her the way you already have been."

What? I was never there for her. I never gave her any outstanding support. I couldn't figure out what this mom was talking about. I mean, I didn't cut this girl down, I didn't tell her she was a weirdo, I didn't agree when she made derogatory comments about herself, but I wasn't there by her side to face the world. So what on earth is this woman on the other end of the line talking about?

People also trust me a lot when it comes to spiritual stuff. A lot of younger girls, but also some adults. I don't know why. I feel like my relationship is so shaky sometimes. I don't know very much about the Bible, I haven't had very much experience.

Sometimes I feel like people have a trust in me that I cannot uphold. I know I'm going to slip up, I know they're going to feel betrayed. It seems like it would have been better not to be trusted in the first place than to break the trust they have in you. It seems like people have unrealistic expectations. I'm only 17, I'm not a Bible scholar, I have made a lot of mistakes.

I don't think I can do anything about the fact that people trust me. I'll just have to deal with it, and when I fall, I fall. Hopefully they'll love me enought to help me dust myself off and get on track again. I can't be perfect. I can't be great. I can only be Anna, and Anna messes up. Hopefully people keep this in mind.

I'm so glad that God didn't make me a guy, because guys can be pastors. There is so much pressure put on pastors. People expect them to be perfect all the time. Thank you Lord, for not putting me in that position!

Trying to be trustworthy,
Anna